Life is stressful. Relationships are hard. Kids are draining. Work is soul-sucking. Time is short. All of these things contribute to long-term couples having chronic “efficiency sex.” Efficiency sex is routine, boring, and underwhelming sex that focuses only on getting the job done. Achieving an orgasm so you can go to sleep and face adulthood the next day. Some people will say it’s all they have time for. Others will say it’s better than no sex. I understand, and these are both valid points of view. The problem with “efficiency sex” is that it ultimately leads to no sex and no romance. A healthy sex life is a stable in a healthy relationship. The day-to-day grind pulls you and your partner in different directions mentally and emotionally. Great sex helps pull you back together, so you can face life as a team. Below are three ways to have better sex in your relationship.
Focus more on the journey
Slow things down and enjoy the ride. It’s all about the build up. Take the scenic route during lovemaking. What’s the rush? Could you imagine if a romance novel skipped all the romance? Imagine reading “He shut the door behind her, and she knew then, all of her fantasies were about to come true. 50 minutes later she was in the deepest dick coma of her life” … You would be thinking “hey, what F went on in that 50 minutes?” That’s kind of how I think of efficiency sex. There is so much more to sex than an orgasm. At least for me, the most powerful part of sex is the process. The touching, the licking, the sucking, the kissing, the breathing, the moaning, and the emotions. People get into such dull routines of just doing what works. Never really trying anything new to see if it could work as well. There are couples who only climax in one position. One position! I mourn for those couples. Learn how to overcome your sexual inhibitions so that you can start having the type of sex you deserve!
Share your desires
One of the biggest favors you can do yourself is to learn to how to talk about sex with your partner casually. I’m surprised at how many women write me asking about how to tell their partner that his methods aren’t exactly working. My answer is always simple. Tell him!!! It will be more damaging to your relationship for you to continue to be underwhelmed in the bedroom than for you to tell him he isn’t hitting it right. Talking about sex often creates a safe environment for you to say to your man “do this and not that.” How will you ever be satisfied making love to a man who has no real idea of what specifically works for you? Most men who aren’t pleasing their women completely have no clue. It’s an awkward and embarrassing topic to bring up but avoiding it won’t do you any favors. Tell him how you like it! Sharing your sexual desires will build more intimacy and strengthen your connection to your partner in bed.
Women are in most cases more in tune with their feelings than men. They express them more readily and don’t see sharing them as a weakness like men sometimes do. Men generally reject being emotionally accosted. One of the few exceptions to that is when you’re sharing your love and appreciation for them. Men love hearing about how great you think they are. If you really want to connect with your man emotionally in a way that leads to better sex, tell him about how you need him and crave him and love only him, while he’s inside of you. Share a few of those positive emotions while making love. He may not say anything back but he will dig into you so much more passionately as an emotional reaction to what you say. He will work harder to leave you SLAYED. The things you say will linger in his mind for days after you’ve said them. He will want to draw that same level of pleasure and emotion out of you every time. It will make him make love to you with so much more purpose and passion and will set the tone for a more profound sexual connection. Adding emotion isn’t about dirty talk. It’s about putting the love back in lovemaking.
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